Qualities

Can you find yourself in one (or many) of these qualities?

Longing
Longing speaks the language of dreams. She is a dancer and an actress. She knows tides and currents and pirates. She has swum in all the oceans, and traveled to places that the rest of us have only visited in our sleep. Although I have met Longing many times, it is not easy to describe her appearance. Even the gossip comumnist who notices everything could not quite remember Longing's height or the color of her sea-filled eyes.

Liberation
Liberation tried to commit suicide when he was seventeen. Things got worse before they got better. He was married to Terror for nearly ten years. One day, as he was wandering, famished and half-crazy, in the mountains, he bumped into Ecstasy. Ecstasy wept to be reunited with his old friend and taught Liberation a simple prayer. After that Liberation was free to leave Terror.

Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a strong woman, tender and earthly and direct. Since her children have left home, she has embarked on an extended walking tour, visiting ruins and old monuments, bathing in rivers and hot springs, traveling through the small towns and large pulsing cities, tracing the current of sorrow under the stories she hears. Sometimes the city authorities and officials don't want her within their gates. If the people want her there enough, though, she always manages to find a way inside.

Commitment
Commitment has kind eyes. He wears sturdy shoes. Everything is very vivid when he is around. It is wonderful to sit and have lunch in his gardens around harvest time. You can taste in the vegetables that the soil has been cared for. Because he is so serious, he loves clowns and balloons and fools and limericks. He has four daughters, grown now, but when they were little they always took him to the circus. He is more generous than most people. His heart is open. He is not afraid of life. He is married to Joy.

Suffering
Suffering teaches philosophy on a part-time basis. She likes the icy days in February when she can stay home from school, make thick soups, and catch up on her reading. With her white skin and dark hair, she even looks like winter. She has a slender face and dramatic cheekbones.

Guilt
Guilt is the prosecutor who knows how to make every victim feel like the criminal. She follows the scent of doubt and self-hatred to its sources. She will not tell you what you have done wrong. Her silence is brutal. Her disapproval surrounds you in an envelope of cold nameless terror. She says horrible things about me to the neighbors. In self-defense, sometimes I tell people what she says about me before she has the chance. I don't care as much as I did, but I can't pretend I don't care at all.

Clarity
My visits to Clarity are soothing now. He never tells me what to think or feel or do but shows me how to find out what I need to know. It was not always like this. I used to visit other people who visited him. Finally, I summoned up the courage to call on him myself. I still remember the first time I saw him. When I left, he presented me with a sketchbook and told me to draw the same thing every day until the drawing started to speak to me.

Creativity
Creativity is not efficient. She has a different relationship to time than most of us. A minute can last a day and a day can last an hour. She loves all the seasons. She is on intimate terms with the sun and the moon. Some people consider her selfish because she does what she wants. I have always found her to be gracious and most generous. She is certainly complex. If you have only met her in a serene mood, her flair for drama may offend you. She is not your aunt with the porcelain teapot who plays chamber music. If you are one of those people who only go to see her when she is starring in a major melodrama, you will not hear her rain songs. If you insist she is mad, you will never see how still her face is when she returns from a dream. She has a strong need to be occasionally anonymous. More than anyone else, Creativity understands the secret meanings of the months when nothing seems to get done.

All these qualities are from a wonderful book called "The Book of Qualities", sent to me by Dani, my fantabulous sister. Thank you, Babe-a-loo...I could spend days just sitting in the bathroom and reading it...luckily (for my colleagues) I have no heat in my bathroom and would freeze my bum off in no time at all...that makes such an activity highly impractical (;-P)

New Development

The phone call came Monday morning during the 3-day break we had for the Muslim holiday, Bairiam. Not quite fully awake yet, I answer.

The voice says, "Vassi, do you want to come to India for the Silver Jubilee celebration of Art of Living? We're going as a group so it will be really inexpensive. There might even be another Peace Corps volunteer going. It'll be the experience of a lifetime, but you have to let me know by today."

Not quite sure if I'm dreaming or not, I answer intelligently..."Huh?"

The voice repeats the aforementioned message. Finally, I put 3 and 5 together and realize that I'm talking to Konstantin, the Art of Living teacher from Stara Zagora. I took a workshop with his group during our pre-service training. There had been talk of going to India for the celebration, but I hadn't actually seriously considered going. Well, now the possibility was being thrown in my lap. Consider this, says the universe. Aghhh, what do I do?

"I'll think about it. I'll let you know by today."

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The Voice of Blind Ecstasy: Yes, yes, yes, holy crap...how can you possibly not go? Going to India has been your dream of dreams for eons and you'll be able to take part 3 of the Art of Living Course...your next step to becoming an Art of Living teacher...you've wanted to do that and it's included in the package. Plus, everything is already done for you...the excursions are organized, the tickets will be bought, the visas will be made...it'll be straightforward and it'll be amazing. You'd be crazy not to go! India is calling you...yoohoo...the colors, the music, the holiness of the land, doing yogic breathing with millions of people from all over the world. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, are you seriously still thinking about it? You're going!

The Voice of Fear and Guilt: You'd be crazy to go...it's in a month, that can't possibly be enough time to get everything together. Your boss in the chitalishte won't let you go. Peace Corps won't approve. You'll have to miss two weeks of teaching English. That will make you a bad Peace Corps Volunteer, and that means, you're gonna get a whoopin'! What are you thinking? It's completely unreasonable...and plus, the universe will *spit* on you, if you go, if you follow your dreams for the sake of following your dreams and doing something good for humanity. That's right...*spit* on you, it might even *crap* on you if you don't watch your step. And then you'll die. See how you like that?

The Voice of "Lighten Up" : *Spit* on me? I don't believe you, honkey...you talkin' crap...that's the only crap coming out of this universe...the crap coming out of your mouth. Well, I ain't gonna take it, you keep your crap for yourself and don't be projecting it all over the universe. I'm gonna spit on *you* if you keep trying to tell me what to do! See how you like that? I fear you not, fear-fig-neugen!

The Voice of Reason: Alright, this conversation is going nowhere. Gut says yes. Mind says no. What do we do? Well, if we say no, we're gonna be churning tapes of regret for months to come. That's no good. Plus, the overwhelming feeling of the gut is gonna make this body explode if we say no, so we're gonna say yes. Then, we have to check it out with the boss, with the Peace Corps, and with the rest of the universe. We can always change direction in the process, if need be.
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In the process of checking it out with the universe, responses I've gotten,

Friends and colleagues, Nedka and Ani: "You have to go...this chance might not come around again. You'll make up for the missed English classes...it's not a big deal. We support you. Plus, you can bring back some sexy Indian guys for us :)"

Kamber, painter boss: "You have to take lots and lots of pictures. If I didn't have a very sick relative to take care of, I would go too. I've always wanted to go to India and to Egypt. Can you imagine the inspiration coming out of a trip like that? I could make a whole gallery of pictures after a trip like that..."

Nezhda, friend and yoga partner: "I would go in a second if I didn't have a school seminar right at that time. What an opportunity!"

Ergin was the one friend who wanted to go and didn't have a sick relative, a seminar, or anything else keeping him from going. When he gets the finances together, he'll come too...it would be life-changing for him! Soul-sister Sunai from Krichim will hopefully be coming too, once she gets over the voices doing battle in her own mind. Please send prayers/intentions for this trip to happen for both of them.

Here's the website for Art of Living... www.artofliving.org . They do focused community/world service all over the world. I feel honored to be taking part in this big celebration. The Bulgarian group is at www.artofliving-bg.org

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt

Backtracking

What do you say when you don't know what to say? It's a question all writers have to face at some point or another. I don't know. I guess you just start writing and see what comes out. Here goes...

Thank you, Jennifer, for the wonderful get together in Kazanluck. It was fantabulous and hilarious and wonderful to catch up, destress, dance, sing, watch movies, and play games. If you're reading this, you may be interested to know that I ran into your friend, Alice, at the Sofia bus station bathroom, when I was on my way to Krichim, the Wednesday after we all hung out together. It's a small world, after all :)

Thank you, Mom, for the wonderful package, full of goodies, pipe cleaners, and toys! The whole family in Sofia enjoyed the goodies. The family in Krichim is enjoying the peanut butter, straws, and some of the pipe cleaners. I love the socks with separate toes...they make possible the art of wearing flip flops and socks at the same time. Today, Nezhda came over to surprize me...I was completely surprized, still in my pajamas...well, I surprized her back by busting out the pipe cleaners, and she made a beautiful flower, and I made her a little person. And she wants to pay you to send her some packages from the states because she absolutely fell in love with them. It's amazing how such a simple thing as a twisty wire with some fuzz can cause such joy!

Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa...I know you're not reading this since you don't speak English, but you must be included anyway. It was wonderful playing cards with you...thank you for teaching me, Belot. You give me so much food for thought. I admire your strength and perseverance, and appreciate that you remember to laugh at yourselves and each other every once in a while. I feel blessed to be able to spend time with you while I'm here.

Thank you, Sunai, for your absolute kindness, and for sharing your life and home with me for a few days. It was just sweet to do yoga with you and to release all that dang stress the world throws at us all the time. I admire your hardworking spirit, your commitment to honesty, and your unswerving kindness and compassion toward everyone who comes into your world. What a small world coincidence that Nezhda's co-worker in Momchilgrad was your best friend in high school! Krichim and Momchilgrad are not so far away, after all.

Thank you, Chris, for the Merry Christmas message accidentally sent to my dad...I will always laugh when I think about that. Thank you too for the joy, the creative absurdity, the encouragement, and the inspiration. You're like a long lost brother I never had and I appreciate you, doggone it!

Thank you, Dani (my long-lost sister that I've always had, that is ;P) for the soulful conversation that lasted forever and got grandma and grampa worried that the phone would explode from overload...too many words...aaaaahhhh! I can not tell you in words how glad I am to have you in my life, as my schwester-kin. You are the best sister I've ever had, and I don't say that to just anyone ;) Thank you for your friendship and your support, even when it seems like I'm acting crazy and, in fact, *am* acting crazy.

Thank you, Dad, for your thought-provoking e-mails, for your support, for being a stable force in my life. I have learned so much from you that I use daily, without even realizing it sometimes. I asked my colleagues who "Momchil" is and, apparently, he is a war hero who was instrumental in leading Bulgaria away from being a slavery state in the Ottoman Empire. There's a statue of him in the Momchilgrad square, but there's not a whole lot else that people seem to know about him. Interesting, no?

Thank you, Arnold, for thinking of me and sending the fascinating story you co-wrote (which i'm enjoying immensely), the book, and the Peace bag (which my co-worker Ani is enjoying immensely). You truly have the gift of humor...I can't wait for your Bulgarian Comedy tour, you'll have to experience the Momchilgrad chocolate facials. How did you guess we had those?

I could write a gazillion more thank-yous, but I would miss my cholate facial appointment in the Momchilgrad, spa. Plus, I lost an entire scoop of ice cream once for saying "thank you" too many times. Therefore, I have to run...can't have that dilemma again! So, to anyone reading this, thank you for being, and for all the gifts you bring into this world that couldn't be contributed, in the same way, by anyone else...isn't it amazing to be alive, even when it's not? It's great to be a snowflake!

Честита Нова Година!
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Happy New Year!

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It's a blank page...what's gonna be written on it? What does the new year hold? Yes, it may be true that every single day is like a blank page, but this day marks a bigger, more significant blank page than any other day, right? Maybe. What are you gonna write on your blank page, dear reader? The choice is yours! Choose wisely...














































































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